Navigating your twenties is some hard ish y’all.
I wish I didn’t struggle so much. We out here navigating singleness, having a relationship with Jesus, deciding what you want to do with your life, making friends, trying to stay in touch with old friends, juggling a social life and trying to live healthy (somewhat). You’ve got your mental health trying to get at you, you’ve got pressure and expectations from each side that you yes, even you, sometimes join in on. You’ve got stress happening and your hairs are going grey. You’re snacking on cream crackers just to pass the time and you’re trying to create something cool and you’re also trying to figure it all out and you don’t know where you want to be geographically so you look at what the rest of the world are doing and you think, “man I wish I was doing that” and sometimes you’re away from family and sometimes you’re away from your close friends and sometimes you wish the world would just stop spinning for a second and then maybe just maybe, you can catch your breath and regain your strength again.
For the past few weeks, I feel like I’ve really been letting my identity slip from my mind. I’ve been so all about me me me that I’ve completely ignore-vous’ed my King. It kinda feels like I’m floating. A little bit like being in an elevator in limbo but I don’t really know what floor to get off at.
There’s so many opportunities but I can’t pick one. There’s so much I want to do but I can’t decide.
If what makes my soul happy is lying in another country how will I ever be content in the everyday? How will I ever lay down roots if all I want to do is run? How will I ever truly be joyful if I sometimes leave God out of the picture and try to go hans solo on everything?!
Everything I do, I want to do it because I love Him. Not because I think I have to do it. Not because someone’s told me I have to do it. Not because I think it’s the “right thing to do”.
I really don’t have everything figured out at all. My life is so confusing and there are so many areas in which I need clarity for and restoration in. There is much more healing and freedom to grab. There’s forgiveness to show and forgiveness to receive.
It’s only me that hinders my relationship with Jesus. It’s my choices in the everyday. It’s the choosing to watch Netflix over spending time in His word. It’s the listening to 90’s pop hits over listening to your coffee & jesus vibes playlist (yeah I totally have one). It’s listening to that horrible thought planted in your mind thinking everyone hates you and going along with it. It’s the look you give yourself in the mirror when you’re clearly not enjoying what you see. It’s the “woe is me, I’ll be forever single” song you sing when everyone’s getting married and engaged and it’s choosing the created thing rather than the Creator God and it’s a dang tragedy.
For the longest time I have journaled in thick notebooks. I’ve written letters to God, I’ve cried through the pages, I’ve been the realest I could ever be. I hardly sugarcoat when I write in those things. Which does make me wonder that when I die, people are gonna be like “you have some ‘splaining to do”. Similarly I blog either when I really want to blog or when I feel like I have something to get off my chest. And today, this is it.
It’s okay to be messy, to have pyjama days and to not understand the direction life is taking you.
It’s okay to mess up, make mistakes and learn from them.
It’s okay to not have all your ish together.
No one ever really has it altogether.
But I tell you who does. It’s our mighty King Jesus!
God loves repairing and preparing us. He’s totally up for helping us out when we learn we haven’t quite healed from our past. He doesn’t just mull our cares over, He seriously cares about what’s on our minds, however big, however small (I feel a Greatest Showman song coming on).
This side of heaven, mistakes are inevitable and His grace is more than enough for us. His love covers us and we are safe in His arms for eternity.
That makes me smile. That makes me have hope and if you’re in need of a little hope today, may I be the one who tells you that freedom is yours if you so wish to take what God has in store for you on board. Living with Him isn’t perfect, your problems won’t stop when you follow Him but He is the number one Teacher, Father, Healer and Restorer that this world ever did see! What better way to navigate your twenties with anyone other than that?!
So if you’re still freaking out, let His word be your prayer this week, this month and for years to come:
“The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”
– Psalm 138:8