Quite honestly, I think my reaction would be a little less holy and forgiving and a lot more frustration and confusion. I don’t know whether it would be because my parents would have lied to me for my entire life or whether I would be filled with a wild curiosity and desire to know whose womb I came from. Questions would fill up my mind like, why did my birth parents decide to give me up and whose family am I truly a part of? What intricate lies would my parents have had to create in order to keep a secret like that from me! However, despite this being my initial reaction, I think I would still view my parents as my parents. They were the ones who cared for me, loved me and raised me – they adopted me as their own.
Perhaps my initial reaction would be an issue of the heart? Right now from where I sit at this desk in my university town, knowing full well that I am the offspring of my full-Filipino mother and my English father (facts of which I am affirmed in, can I get an amen for birth certificates?!) it’s easy for me to imagine what it would be like to be told I was adopted. For some, adoption (whether they know who their real birth parents are or not) is their reality.
However, maybe my initial reaction of frustration towards not knowing whose womb I came out of is an issue for me simply because I have a distorted view of whom I belong to in the first place.
After watching a sermon by Christine Caine entitled “Courage to Let Go of Your Past” I was moved by her testimony. I was moved by her resilience to press on and lay hold of the future that God intended for her to have despite her past.
Christine’s very real story made me think about my own life – what I’ve been through, where I’ve been and the different seasons God has walked and sometimes dragged me through. It’s made me recognise how much of a process everything I’ve experienced in my life is. Everything may be a part of me in the sense that this is what I’ve been through but even more importantly than that I am made aware of the fact that what I’ve been through does not make me who I am.
What I’ve been through and where I’ve walked, the floods of tears, hurt and pain I have swam through, accomplishments, achievements and the like, they essentially mean nothing. If I am put here on this earth with the purpose to love God, love others and serve this generation with the gifts, talents, passions and desires that God has given me I am to keep pressing on. In order to press on I have to face my past and let Him walk me through my pain and through a process of healing so that I can really let go of my past and lay hold of the future that He has planned for me.
At the foundation of our being, we long to know who it is we belong to. We long to be loved, cherished and cared for. We look towards our family, our relationships and other areas aside from Jesus to fill it. God fulfils everything we will ever want and need. He is the epitome of love itself and he emanates that. However, in this grim world where people are broken and where there is an enemy that goes around seeking, killing, destroying and attempting to smash to pieces those very foundations and that wholeness that God intended for us – it is sometimes hard to feel loved and cherished.
But get this, regardless of who our earthly parents may be – whether we know our parents closely or have no idea who they are. God has adopted us and called us his children.
God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children. And because we are His children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are His child, God has made you His heir – Galatians 4:5-7
Around 18 years old, second year of college here in the UK, my parents separated. My mum left the house and my dad, my brother and I were left at home. I don’t think I properly processed what was happening at the time fully and obviously this was a huge life change. I mean, I remember going through nights of crying into my pillow and praying for her to return and I kept in touch with her but I had kept a lot of my anger towards both of my parents bottled up inside. It took a whole lotta Jesus to be kind and loving to my parents, something that Jesus really wanted to teach me. But it started with me. If I was someone who loved Jesus, the overflow is for that to pour out onto loving others. Without Jesus, I don’t know how effectively I could’ve done this. Since then my relationship with both of my parents have changed dramatically. As a teenager, I was grumpy, I was moody and I was extremely shy I couldn’t love these two humans that gave birth to me!? My family has fallen apart for crying out loud. My birth parents are no longer together, we’re not a family unit and what I’ve grown up with and known all my life has been put into question. I was still their child but why did I feel so broken inside?
“Restore to me the joy of your salvatian, and make me willing to obey you.” – Psalm 51:12
That’s how the pain was healed, that’s how the freedom came in like a flood. This is what I must continue to walk in every day. I would love to say that it was a quick and easy process but it was not. I had to face and overcome a lot of my past. I went through a healing process and sometimes every now and then Jesus will bring things up within my life that I wouldn’t have sorted through with Him. I must make a choice to obey Him when He highlights those things within my life and learn from Him.
I am His daughter first and foremost and He is my Father who will reign for eternity.
“In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation. – 1 Peter 5:10